feelings of loneliness, fight against my problems,
Is having terrible luck in love a sign that there is a hex in your love life or that you need to revise your choices or approach in order to create healthier relationships? Speaking from experience, Dennis Mutuma says, “for me it was a mixture of both!” Read on for more of his not so ordinary love story.
The large majority of people want to be happy in love but nowadays this dream seems to be more of a wish than anything else. Modern day dating has introduced new methods of meeting people and starting relationships, such as online applications, but with an increase in separation and divorce we are left with the question: How productive are these methods? Many rely on communicating behind a screen, which has meant an increase in feelings of loneliness. For couples, the online world has opened a door for unfaithfulness and betrayal to enter their marriage. The odds are stacked against a ‘happily ever after’ love story but when this pattern seems to be a running theme in your family is there something more sinister working in the background?
“I think it’s very possible because it happened to me!” says Dennis. “It wasn’t that I was never able to start relationships, it was that they never lasted no matter how hard I tried. It even got me wondering what was wrong with me but when I noticed the same, first in my parents and then with my grandparents, I knew I needed more than luck to turn this story around.
Most people in my family were suffering, be it in their health, love life, or finances, so I didn’t have anyone I could look up to as a reference of joy or success. Many were educated but would never progress in their careers.
It seemed like no one was able to get married, and when they would, they were never happy in their marriage. I always did everything I could to be a good boyfriend: I was faithful, caring and generous but every girlfriend that I had would suddenly leave. I would give my best but I was confronted by the same words every time, ‘you’re a nice guy Dennis, but I’m breaking up with you.’
I didn’t understand why I was just never good enough. I lost the drive to fight for my life, so my daily routine turned into doing mundane tasks and chores at home, as I was no longer working. This cycle continued for many years where I was unable to be happy in my love life. I dealt with this pain by hiding away in my house every day for 5 years. I didn’t do anything with myself during this whole time until I was invited to challenge my problem.
My auntie who attended the Universal Church saw the suffering in our family and told everyone about the church she had found. We all agreed that no one would be left behind, and on our first Sunday morning service together, there was 47 of us who came. We were all determined to break the evident curse we had in our lives, which was causing the persistent problems, however only 3 of us continued to attend.
When I came, I learnt that in order to be happy in my love life, first I needed to heal from my previous failed relationships. I would attend the Friday services, where I learnt how to fight against my problems and most importantly to remove the internal pain that my past had caused. One of the first steps I took towards this internal healing was to let go of unforgiveness and any hatred that I was holding on to.
Shortly after I noticed a change inside of me, I was happier and I found joy in the smaller things like breathing or waking up in the morning. I became determined to start a new life, and every message that I received in the church drew me closer to that goal, so I started attending the meetings every day, sometimes more than once a day. The messages taught me how to build healthy habits in my love life and to prepare myself for marriage, and then I met Chantal, my wife. She was already living in England, but I met her in my home country – Kenya, as she was there to visit her sister. I approached her and we exchanged contact details and started to speak.
She shortly returned to the UK, so most of our dating experience was long-distance and online, but she would visit me in Kenya twice a year. Things were running smoothly, she was different to the previous relationships that I was in – she understood and accepted me. On the day of our wedding, which took place in Kenya, many smiling faces were there to witness the moment that I finally said “I do”. I’ve been happily married for 4 years now and I am truly fulfilled in my love life, which is something I didn’t believe that I would ever say.”
Dennis and Chantal have continued to invest in their relationship with one another through attending the events that are held by the Universal Church specifically for the love life. Chantal says, “Every year our marriage grows. Events such as the Love Walk have helped us to learn more about each other and to know how we can improve for one another. Dennis is a caring, understanding and humble man. Above all, I admire him for his honesty and the relationship that he has with God.”
“Although I had found myself in a cycle that seemed impossible for me to break out of, I was able to re-write the story of my life, and today I have everything that I need. I am happy, and I find pleasure in using my experience to help others who are going through similar struggles that I also went through.”
Dennis Mutuma
